Attitude!

Most recent digital LO. Does it seem to the rest of you like a disproportionate amount of my layouts are of Gracie? Do you know why? Because who could resist scrapping a picture like this? Look at her! I cannot help it. I am not to be blamed. :)

First water pics of the season!

This is my favorite picture of the day. I took about 10 of

this same pose. This one was the best.

Doesn't this picture just seem like it should be titled, "FREEDOM" ?

Though I'm not really sure what a third grader has to be "free" from. I guess from younger siblings. From winter. From clothing. From inhibitions - even if just for a brief moment in time!

This child has an internal self-esteem that is absolutely staggering. She doesn't ever question herself. She knows how absolutely adorable she is. My true prayer for her is that as she grows older she holds on to that quality with all of her might. In fact, if there was one gift I could give to her today for her to keep forever, it would be the gift of self-esteem. The ability for her to see how absolutely wonderful she is, intrinsically, just because she is a child of God. That the things about her that are so beautiful have nothing to do with outward appearance, they are her inward characteristics - her heart above all else - the way she loves...Unconditionally.

I sure wish I could give her that gift.

You know, to be honest, I wish I could give myself that gift!

me and Luke (with a grape in his mouth). picture taken by Ryan, a budding photographer!

Ryan, age nine. For those of you who don't know this kid, I sure wish you did. He is such a great kid. He is self-less. He has been taking such good care of me since my surgery, but you know, even before that he has always taken good care of me -- and you should see him with his sister and two brothers. He gets up early every day (that trait came from his dad I assure you), but on Saturdays and Sundays when he's up early watching his cartoons and he hears his baby brother awake, he goes in and gets him out of bed and changes his diaper - if the baby isn't poopy (I mean, he may be great, but he's still nine!) Every time I drop the kids off at school in the morning I yell out the window (yes, I am that woman yelling at her kids in the drive-through at school), but I yell, "You are a great kid!" I absolutely couldn't mean it more!

Can you spell A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E?

I'm not even sure if I should claim this man. In fact, I don't really know who he could be. I just took a picture of some crazy man riding down the street on a child's bike. What? It looks like my husband? It couldn't be. I mean, after all, my husband is a general surgeon. He would never act like such a child. HA! LOL!

Somebody please tell me, look at my forehead, is there something written there that I don't see -- perhaps something that says, "Please, be mean to me because I do not have enough stress in my life."

See, here is what happened today. I had an appointment with Luke at the pediatrician's office for his three-year check up. Yes, his birthday was in October, thank you for remembering, that is beside the point. The point is that I had finally gotten around to taking him in for his check-up which I waited a long time for this appointment. So, the appointment was at 10:00. I got to the office a little late. I got to the counter the check in at 10:18 (now my watch said 10:17, but I didn't want to quibble about such minor matters.). Basically, the woman told me that we were too late. THey allow you to be 15 minutes late and no more. I understand why that have that rule, but still, I mean two minutes!!! So the woman doesn't even look up from the desk and tells me that she is going to have to reschedule. I was almost in tears, but I said, "okay" and turned to leave. Luke was upset because he wanted to see Dr. Burson. However, I led him out into the hall and then I thought about it and decided to go back in. Because Dr. Burson is a friend of ours.

So I went back in and apologized again for being late and told her that I had just had a spinal implant put in last week and this was my first time out driving and I didn't calculate the time right. She looked right at me and told me it was policy and she couldn't do anything about it. I said, "well, will you at least ask Dr. Burson if he will see us?" and she said, "he can't. there is no time". "So you're saying you will not ask him?". "No, I will ask him." So she went into the back and less than 30 seconds later she returned and told me, "they can't see you"

I left in tears, but not in front of them. But I just felt like such an idiot.

Then I had an appointment with Dr. Lampert this afternoon, my pain specialist, and this nurse was checking me into a room. She said, "you need to sign a medication agreement form". I said, "Okay, what's that?" She then told me, "EVERY long-term narcotics user has to sign one of these." She then went on to tell me how I would have to be subject to urine drug screens to make sure I wasn't selling any of my meds. She told me I would have to pick one pharmacy and only use that one. I said, "Well, that's not practical. What if I need to go to another pharmacy?" and she was so hateful and told me that now that I was a chronic narcotic user they needed to be able to trace all my meds and make sure I'm not filling scripts somewhere else from other doctors that they don't know about. Basically, by the time she left the room I felt lower than the floor. I felt like a dime-store drug addict. When the nurse practitioner came into the room I started crying all over him. His name is Joseph Thomas, FNP ("Jodie"). Anyway, he came in and got me calmed down and feeling less like a drug addict as he handed over my scripts for oxycontin and vicodin.

So, to make a long story even longer, I started my day feeling pretty good about myself and then was made to feel like a horrible mother and then a drug addict. I don't know how this compares to most of your days, but as far as mine go, this one would be right up there with the worst of days, except that I was able to vent with Nicole and Cortney (two of my closest) friends and then my precious husband came home and listened and AGREED with me. (Big lesson for all you husbands out there: when your wife has a bad day, and she feels like someone has "done her wrong", just agree with her. Trust me, it helps a lot)

So, final lesson for the day. Good guys = Dr. John Burson (who emailed me and told me that he didn't even know I was there although the nurse claimed she had spoken with him) [as a totally unrelated side-note, for anyone in the Springfield area looking for a pediatrician in the St. John's system, I totally recommend Dr. John Burson. He has an amazing bedside manner and his ability to calm both the sick child and the mother of the sick child is great. I adore him! He's a great guy! Good Guy #2 - Nurse Practitioner Jody Thomas - helped a lot. Very empathetic. Good guy #3 - Dr. Ben Lampert - who is by the way the very best pain specialist in Springfield, MO!! I love him so much!! He took on my case when no one else in springfield would take care of me. Good girl #1 2 and 3 are Nicole Cortney and Rachel for always listening to my life-altering scenarios. Last, but certainly not least, is Good Guy #5, my sweet adorable husband.

Milk Drinkers BEWARE!

You know I've been noticing something very strange lately. It seems like Ryan and Grace are getting smaller. I keep measuring them in the same chair, which is a little bit large for them, but I swear they are getting smaller and smaller in that chair. Here, I'll let you all see for yourself and tell me what you think.
Here is Ryan, from about a week and a half ago.
Doesn't he look a little small? And here below is Gracie from last week. It seems like she's sinking into that chair a bit also. The funny thing is that they drink their milk faithfully. I can always count on them to be the milk drinkers at the table. In fact, there is one kid in our family who never drinks his milk.

LOOK! How can this be? the child who never drinks the milk is huge, while the two who drink their milk are shrinking!

We may have to ask for help from our internet friends who are checking in on our blog. What shall we do?

Okay, I am having way to much fun with this whole blog thing and I am not getting any commets for my semi-psychotic behavior. Please write in, I may be forced to drum up dumber and dumber scenarios for my children!! (my children beg you;)

Spinal Implant

Well on this past Monday I had a "spinal implant device" put into my neck (spine) under the skin. I guess the easiest way to describe what this does is to say that it sends out a stimulus like a vibration that interrupts that pain fibers when they fire. Needless to say, after five years of trying different procedures and three failed surgeries, I was not optimistic. However, lets just say the Lord has answered so many prayers from so many diferent people this week. I normally take a scheduled pain medicine three times a day plus an "as needed" med throughout the day. This week I have only taken a total of 5 extra pain pills. That's about what I would take in a day.
The only bad thing about this implant device is that it is a temporary device. Meaning, regardless of how much I love it and need it, they will remove it on Monday. Its not a big deal to have it removed, its basically the size of an epidural catheter. They will just pull it out.
Right now I have a big battery pack that is attached to a cord that is coming out of my spine. The permanant one inserts the battery under the skin just at the very top of my bum, right under my tatoo. (Just kidding, mom!)
When I go in on Monday I will get to decide whether or not I want a permanant device (YES!) and when I want it (A.S.A.P.).
So, thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. Your prayers have been heard and answered in a mighty way.

Our God is good. My kids have asked me many times why God "hasn't answered" their prayers for healing of my neck. I have tried to tell them that just because we don't see the answer doesn't mean He hasn't answered. I don't know why I have had to deal with over five years of chronic pain. I'm not sure why none of the surgeries I have had have helped. However, there is one thing that I know that I know that I know. God is good.
There is a song that has basically sustained me at different times during all of my medical nightmares. It is "Trust His Heart" by Babbie Mason. Here are the lyrics.

Trust His Heart
by Babbie Mason

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
when you just don't see Him
Remember you're never alone

Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
and He holds out future in His hand
So don't lives as those who have no hope
For our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry
He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
when you can't trace His hand
trust His heart
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what's best for you

When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart.



Enough said.

So Happy!

This is one of my most recent SB pages. I didn't just "scraplift" this one, I completely stole it -- right off the pages of Creating Keepsakes magazine (pg 100 to be exact, March 2006 issue). If you subscribe to the magazine go ahead and look it up. I think you will see that the one difference -- the beautiful picture and engaging journaling -- makes all the difference. Mine is better. (No offense to Kimberly Lund who actually designed the page!)